March officially the worst month of my campus life. I accidentally got into trouble with some of my lecturers, I come late to campus everyday, I finish my tasks and assignments teribbly overdue, my score do massive skydive, I being my old “introvert” and “solitary” kinda person, and it’s all going worse and worse everyday than I could ever imagine.
So in order to my “escapist” side, day by day I tried to hide myself in home. That instead of work my campus life, I take myself closer with my family, especially my parents.
Whenever they talk about my college life and what they wish for my future, I can’t resist such a hurt feeling deep in my heart. Still I can’t resist how deep I tortured by that wishes now. But then in the same time, I hurt by the thought “If only they could see what I doing in campus everyday, they must be dissapointed.”
It’s all-mistaken situation. If I push myself too hard, I will end up hurt myself. But if I not doing it right, I will hurt them. It such a dead end
Then a short while ago when I played video game again for the first time since about one (or two?) year ago, my lil’ brother fussed me “At this rate, the end in NEVER!” because I got the endless GAME OVER scene in the consequence of my lack skill. (And he said it in english. He’s getting better everyday. I’m such a proud sister! )
He maybe don’t know and say it with no intention of anything, but his words take me to a deep thought. Then I reach the point when I told myself “You can’t stay just like this. YOU CAN’T.”
Like what he said, “At this rate, the end is NEVER.”
I suddenly got this kind of revelation. I’ve wasting so many time. I will wake up.
I might be sick. I might be hurt. I might be lost. I might be numb. But if I keep it worst, I can’t end up anything.
Starting tomorrow, I won’t come late to campus again. I will do the task and practical course my best. I will make up the scores before it’s too late. I will build up my relation with everyone.
It hurts as it must be. But I wanna end it as soon as I could.
Ya Allah, I know You always had a good intention of everything happens for me. Then please help and stand by me when I try to make up everything from the start.