My Chaotic Philosophy · My Writer Side

Ma Mère

She is the first one who wake up in the dark morning, craddle us with the sound of kitchen uttensils crisping through the stillness, interfere our deep-sleep dream with the odour of morning milk or tea and breakfast meal, interupt the pleasant bedsheet drowning session with the alarming sound of morning. I always hate to face the morning thus I often hate this gestures as well.

She also the one who sleep the most late of all. Well, no, maybe. Since moi a nightwolf and big brother is a nightowl as well. But even in the late of night, she is the one who will checking the doors and windows to make sure we can rest the night safe and sound, turn off our results of our carelessness and laziness, and pray for us to have a good life ahead. She backing up our life and future through the God.

Another story, she is the one who knows us really well. What we hate; what we love; what we likely to behave; what each of our dresscodes; where to put this and that; when to go buy the tissue, ketchup and, sugar. How to make home. How to make life.

I told her “No” for thousand times as well as “Yes”. I am a strongheaded person and an emotional one, which I believe it were heredited by her. We ARE strongheaded and emotional. Years passes by and yet we still the closest but also the most quarell-able members of the pack of five. Our relationship is so fragile.

But I am a girl, a woman and mother in the future, and everytime I look at her sacrificial, I asking the same question all over again, deep to my core, “Can I become like her? Can I sacrify so much like her? Can I tore myself down like her? Am I willing to give everything up, like her?”

We are often get into the fight. Not catfight, yet, but in my heart, I always win for the shake of my tireness and tears. Yeah, we are bearing the same amount of tire and tears, sometimes. But I apparently just becoming shallow. I’m not worth anything, not even a single piece of my hair, to be juxtaposed with her. I am a disgrace, and she is the one who lift me up and make me who I am today. She is beyond me. She is beyond kings and queens. She is beyond sky and galaxy and anything in between.


Today, a very happy birthday to you, Mother. You are my diamond, my heart, my lungs, my biggest reason to live.

Please stay healthy and well, and safe and sound.

For many days and years to come.

Forever, and ever after.


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