English · My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy

Pursuing Our True Selves

Main Story

“I’m really really really a showbiz person, you know, Lad?!”, she said that day. On the late afternoon of 24 December at our office room in 2016, where it was just the two of us (everybody else is out on their meetings), wrapping presents for office’s Secret Santa event that will be held on the evening.

She blurted that out when we’re talking about career, life projections, goals, and something like that. I know, such a high quality topic amidst pile of glittery wrapping paper and clear tapes on our fingers, right?

Actually, I didn’t (and still don’t) know what she means with ‘showbiz person’. What’s showbiz means anyway? But she likes modelling and acting and that kind of stuff so I assume showbiz means something to do with spotlights, costumes, script-reading, acting, and light-camera-action. Am I even close to it? No? Okay.

As much as I held myself not to ask her what showbiz means (because sometimes I’m a stupid potato and prone to embarassed myself), I already familiar with the feeling underneath her words. It felt like I can already hear she went on “I don’t care about going to the same place from Monday all the way though Friday, from nine to five, doing the same thing, meeting the same people, deal with the same bullshit—“ and on and on. Yeah, I’m extremely familiar with that.

“When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a news anchor! They sounds really cool and bonafide and all!” She continued with the same sparkle in her eyes. Ugh, so bright. Despite that she is a pretty humanbeing that sure will makes every male bend their knees to her instantly, people will always look more attractive when they’re talk honest about things they love. So for her case, the brightness level is doubled up. Like a venus with gold halo up on her head. Don’t look at her, you’ll be blind.

About things that we talked about later, I don’t remember. I believe it included some office gossips, or which presents box that we targetted on or whether I’ve ever smoke or drink alcohol (just a clarification: I NEVER) or anything else. But she already made clear the reason why she left the office 5 months later (after just working there for 7 months). She wants to chase her passion.

Familiar phrase. Familiar feeling.

Now, nearly eight months later, her face is familiar in youtube cinemascape and indie filmscape. she plays in some mini sitcom by a local magazine, starred in an indie movie, been a model of some local fashion brands, an actress on a local band’s new music video. She nailed it, right in front of everyone’s face.

I still don’t know what’s showbiz means, maybe I’m just too lazy to google an oxford dictionary. But by seeing her, I think now a little bit I know, I can figure it out, finally.

And that’s a story about chasing a passion. Another story about gambling with life and fight for the what one’s believe. A story about pursuing our very, very, true selves of us.

English · My Chaotic Philosophy

Do You know What’s This Mean?


I bet you wouldn’t understand. But today, exactly today, I choose the independence.

Now I’m stronger, much more stronger.

Now I’m fearless, cautions and warnings are nothing.

Now I’m visionary, ready to fly and soar high.

Try to move or crush me. No one can’t.

Never anymore.

English · My Chaotic Philosophy

#LearnToday 11: Made Of Glass

“Apparently the level of how vulnerable and fragile we are as a woman can be measured by how much we willing to sacrifice ourselves in order to feel loved and accepted.

And this is, what makes love could be toxic and lethal, and above all, dangerous.”

English · My Chaotic Philosophy

20 Things I’ve Accomplished in 2017


Main Story

1. Resigned from my job (believe me, it’s apparently hard)

2. And got a new job two months later

3. Learnt how to build website from scratch in my new job (you know, about UX and sitemap kinda things…)

4. Have a boyfriend

5. Had my first kiss (no, my parents better to not read this)

6. Went to club (I didn’t do ANYTHING I swear. All I do was just a little dance in the corner with my friends and OBSERVING. No alcohol, no cigarette, no bad boys or ANYTHING)

7. Mastered the art of academic presentation (based on how well I’ve always did it and how my lecturer use my slides as class reference. Yes, I’m proud like that, it was such an honour!)

8. Move out from home

9. And make a living on my own

10. Taking a piano class

11. Bought a flute. MY dream flute

12. Getting better on reading music notes (believe me I had tried so many time and it was all failures before)

13. Bought a dreamy skirt from one of my dream clothing brand: ARGYLE AND OXFORD. Woohoo!

14. Tried wall climbing (not only once but TWICE!)

15. Being a copywriter (now at least I have some portofolios)

16. Involved in charity action towards animals and humanism.

17. Read Al-quran more often.

18. Purchased Frankie magazines

19. Passed my calculus class (finally!) and got B+ as the final score!

20. Being financially independent



My resolutions is kind of failures hahah. I mean, not so many numbers to cross, but I learnt that apparently the parameter of whether you’re doing great is not merely about crossing your goals. Human changes everytime and our initial aims may not be applies for us all the time, we grown and developed our way of thinking everyday. I though it’s all about counting what we’ve become and how far we go.

Now that I’ve wrote some new goals to start anew, let just see where we’ll headed to. Excited!

English · My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy

Count Me In!


I woke up early today, like, really. Intented to start morning run regularly (blame him because he honestly and innocently said I’m become fatter 😦 ) but it was raining so the plan has to be cancelled (yay) and I went back to snuggle in my white Ikea blanket and scrolling the instagram.

Instagram always become such a pinterest, youtube, and google for me in one nice pack. There’s a reason why my following number is one-thousand-something and it keeps growing. That particular social media platform is become like a creative web where an artist or creative people with creative ideas linked each other and become a wide source of inspiration.

I love instagram, I really do.


Main Story

So the thing is, I spent this morning to diligently sourcing and researching to create my own business. And it does feel right.

Every morning I constantly said that I don’t wanna work to other people anymore. I don’t need people telling me what to do in order to enrich other people’s business. Every. Single. Morning.

I want to do it myself, my own way. And no matter how.

So I gathered up every single pieces of puzzles and wondering how to get there and how to do it. And I’m swear it just the best feeling in the world.

I also found such a great account called Blueboot Farm which I instantly screenshot and sent to my boyfriend because it suits our educational background so well. I blabbered about it a lot just in a short time that he might be rolled his eyes and mumbled “here we go again…” when he read my chats.

Yes, beside impulsive, I’m also that irritating.

But guess what, the positive feeling pushed me to stand up and rise up with 1000% energy and went work happily. It seems like my whole life become much clearer and I can see what’ll coming. Such a nice nice feeling.



So, well, fellow local business owners, prepare to greet me because soon I’ll jump in to the game and have fun together.

I’m in!