Rating: 8.2 (IMDb)
Genre: Drama, biography, life
Cast: Russel Crowe (John Nash), Ed Harris (Parcher), Jennifer Connelly (Alicia Nash), Paul Bettany (Charles)
Director: Ron Howard
Music: James Horner
Wardrobe: Rita Ryack
Just barely finish this movie and I’m still trembling now. Before it begin, let me warn you that I would be spoiling too much here.
I won’t intrinsically review it like any other #MovieMonday post so I’m not considering this as a usual one. In fact, I shouldn’t write this also, considering thesis study I supposed to do. I mean, look at my dekstop situation: thesis reference on the left and the movie playing on the right, at the same time.
Nevertheless, basically this movie tells about a story of John Nash, a mathematician genius who pursuing his doctoral study in Princeton University and seems to outcast himself.
His eccentrically and peculiar behaviour and mind lead him to an acute schizophrenia where he starts delusioning about being State’s secret cryptography agents and imaginary people appears.
This is not a thriller or horror movie, but for me, it’s terribly frightening, because what happened to John Nash, I’ve encountering that too. And this is the main reason why I write this post. A schizophrenic delusions of people who are not exist? I scored that.
Have I told you I have so many imaginary friends? Or in my case, I called them guardian angels? Yes. I’ve wrote in my last year’s birthday note here.
John Nash has two imaginary friends: Charles and her niece, Marcee. And a so-called imaginary colleague agent: Parcher. While I have six. The first one I ‘met’ in junior high school time, where I experienced a not-a-bullied bullying (you maybe confused but yeah, that was happened and I dont wanna talk about it). Hence as years passed by, life becomes hard and shit happens and before I realize, they grow outnumbered. Some was born in my loneliness, some in my hatred and sadness, some other in my lowest and rock bottom conditions. One of them is a wolf named Pandemonium, and one of them is Sora, from Kingdom Hearts game.
My resemblance with John’s circumstances is what makes me trembling. The only fortune I have, is I know what I’m thinking is not real. I talk to them, they talk back to me in my head, we’re interact so much almost everyday, especially when the times get hard and I started to encountered a severe anxiety or a minor frustration. But I know they are not real. While John cannot differ which is reality and which is delusion. But knowing there’s apparently a possibility schizophrenia can grows into that acute state, it terrifies me.
The fact that I feel connected to the relationship of Charles and John since the very first time is also plays a big role. Even before I knew Charles is an imagination. I’m familiar with the feeling of someone who always attached with, supports, and emotionally protecting you in so many ways on so many levels in life, more than parents, or lover, or best friend can do. Because that’s whats my guardian angels doing to me, every time.
But what makes this story beautiful is John tries to heal himself and people start recognizes his lifetime hardwork in mathematics and a Nobel Prize landed in his crown. I’m not usually cries for movies, but I cried on this part. Hahah
This is actually the first time ever I opened up and being honest about it. Why it has to be here instead of my diary or private notes, I don’t know. Maybe because this blog plays a lot on my growing phase and personal well-being? And tho I state my blog address in all of my social medias, I always think my real friends better not read this blog at all because this is my personal space, my sanctuary (in fact, I always wishing that none of my real friends ever click on my blog because therefore they would know that they’re befriends with a person with uneven mentality like me).
But anyway, to be honest, it such a beautiful film with a beautiful story (unless you encountered the similar imaginary life, then you might be find it slightly terrifying).
It just brought me to thinking, if I know that my circumstances is merely an imagination and they are just a delusional objects, would it makes me categorized as a schizoid too? I’m still talking to the air, almost everyday, is that it means I suffer a schizophrenia, eventho I still aware of which is real and which is not? Or am I just a completely normal person searching for an escape? And they are my objects to escape into?