I’ve been cheating the day. I should post this yesterday but all kind of social life faint me down and didn’t have that much energy, so, yeah.
If you think the closest person to you would never bring you down, PFFFTTTT–TALK TO MY HANDS. When I saw a contempt eyes that looking at me from my closest one (hint: a family) I just thought, Uh-Oh, I forgot we can’t trust human.
That’s all, I guess. I ought to warn you to be careful everytime because you definitely can trust no one. Except your pet cat or dog, I thought they are far more sincere and faithful than any human-being.
But, hey, just a warn though.
So this remarks the end of my people-watching week (which I pretty sure will not going to the end as I’ll continue doing it everyday, minus the report as a daily post).
I never knew before that we can easily find upset and miserable people in mall, a place where it supposedly a happy place, like those executive property developers acclaimed.
And in the groceries there, I met an old woman, maybe 55 to early 60, with a wry face and squinted eyes, walked down the aisle of cleaning fluid by herself, pushed a shopping trolley without anyone else.
At first I thought that face shows pain, which is shocked me. An upset face, it’s quite common since so many people throwing money here in mall when some people don’t like that idea (for example, husbands who accompanying their wife). A doubtful face, so understandable with many people relying their income here to pay their miserable bills. But pain? In the face of an old woman who go shopping by herself? No, there’s must be something wrong with her that must be anticipated.
Feeling intrigued, I left my mother behind (she was too busy paid more attention to the price of cleaning fluids to realized that I’m not by her side anymore) and sneakingly followed her, aisle to aisle. Even to cashier, where I sat on the bench nearby while eyeing on her.
Turns out the face which I mistaken as a pain, is actually a sad face, a deep sadness. A face of sorrow and grief. That squinted eyes? Probably she has myopic eyes. I knew this because my eyes are both myopic and if I don’t wear my glasses on, I have to squint my eyes in order to have clearer sight. She didn’t wear glasses so it supposedly explain it all.
But what about that constant sorrow? It’s haunting me somehow. I nearly bump over her and ask what can I do or how could I help her because she looks so sad. But I may look like a freak stranger and might frightening her as well so I keep my mouth shut and walk in a required distance.
And in the end, I could do nothing more than observe.
I have a lecturer who appear emotionless. His jokes and sense of humour are the most dying thing in the whole world, his voice tone is like a flat line in heart pacemaker monitor, the one that everyone afraid of. I can’t guess what’s in his mind and yet I still predicting, but before I can scan him (like I able to do that), he gave us—the students—a surprise surprise!
I always wondering whether human can born that way, with flat expression and inability to express emotions. Or it just something that we learnt along the way?
Hence thinking about this, is it so painful to not being able to laugh when we’re happy, cry when we’re sad, get mad when we’re angry, thrilled when we’re afraid, scream when we’re surprised? Eventhough it can be overwhelming sometimes, they are all precious feelings, aren’t they?
Going out of home and meeting people becoming so fun since I started doing this.
People never been my interest. Beside I’m naturally a social anxiety sufferer, external emotions that people showed up always feels like a massive attack for me, overwhelming and smothering. So in return, I always pay attention more to what they wear instead of what expressions they show up.
Not trying to be a sartorialist, but I am one of those people who believes that what you wear, a little bit, show up who you are. So I put a lot of interest in paying attention of what people are wearing in order to guess what kind of person they are or what things do they concern in.
But psychology is one of my interest among my other countless interests (which Emilie Wapnick on her TEDtalk called it ‘Multipotentialite’, maybe, due to my endless interest in sphoradical fields haha!), so emphasize more about human is a must-do idea since first I read Sigmund Freud.
Hence I made a rule for myself started this week (1 March, to be exact) about paying attention to people’s emotions in order to gain a lot more knowledge about human.
Yes, NO MORE CLOTHES OBSERVATION for a week.
What surprised me today is apparently a lot of sad, and fear, and sad, and sad again. I admitted that living in a capital city like Jakarta where social and economical gap is figuratively like compare between plantae kingdom with animalia kingdom, extremely distant. And it cause pressures everywhere.
If sad could illustrated as a dark aura and fear as a violet one, all I could see today was just dark and violet spreading in the atmosphere. Mainly from people in the sidewalk, small stall sellers on pedestrian path, and guys with motorbike which stopping in red light.
But this evening in my way back home from work, I stopped at kebab stall nearby home and I see a young mom with her cute little daughter that look so much like her. The young mom wearing (oh yeah well I do the clothes observation again I cant help 😦 ) blue chiffon top, legging with denim pattern which I hate, and a blue crocs slingback flats which I hate too.
She and her little daughter bought the kebab too and in the middle of the meal waiting, she spoke with a guy in motorbike that turns out her husband. What convince me is, I see a genuine love and excitement from her. That was the best feeling ever to finally see a positive gestures among the negative emotions spread in the air.
But instead of replied his wife with the same affection, I just see nothing from him. He just sat there, played with his phone and smiled once in a while. I wonder what made him smile to a phone instead of his wife? A job promotion maybe? Or a common friends jokes in the whatsapp group maybe?
Excited to see what kind of feeling and expressions we’ll discover tomorrow, don’t you too?