#TheMorningTales · English

#TheMorningTales 4 – Morning Sickness

 

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself // myself

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I // Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
by myself // myself

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself

How do you think I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid that I’m out of touch
How do you expect… I will know what to do
When all I know Is what you tell me to

Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside

 

 

So funny that every thoughts I had this morning is all related to the lyric of this song.

It reflected so well in some stages.

#TheMorningTales · English · My Blabber Side

#TheMorningTales 3: I’m in a Good Mood

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Because:
  1. I chatted my mom thru whatsapp about family Turkey vacation and despite that whether it would happen or no, talking about holiday feel such a bliss already.
  2. (After a long debate last night with lil bro about what kind of hat is Frank Sinatra’s hat actually) I will buy a fedora hat this evening for him as a props for his upcoming English storytelling competition. Despite that his win or loss in the future, I’m so proud of my baby brother already.
  3. All along the road to work today, I just thinking about my longing for painting. Been a long while since I draw using acrylic. Okay, buy a canvas this evening. Positive. Excited.
  4. Because talks about Frank Sinatra last night, I really miss Nat King Cole’s and Russ Columbo’s voice that reminds me of the old disney films that Mickey-Minnie, Donald-Daisy, Goofy-Pluto, Chips-Dale, starred in my childhood days. Thus it takes me wondered if there’s any of their new films nowadays? For all of recent-released Disney films mainly a short movies playing outer-realms characters. I miss Goofy and Pluto and Uncle Gober 😦

Have a nice day, you too 😀

#TheMorningTales · My Chaotic Philosophy

#TheMorningTales 2 : How Comparison Got Us Vulnerable

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Prologue

I woke up not in my own bed this morning, it’s my friend’s. We had a girlfriends sleepover for the sake of the uni tasks and homeworks. Darn, darn. This always happen by less one time per month.

No complain, no complain.

Main Story

So I had to left out very early today. Like I’ve said that I hate morning as well, I hate sun more so opt for leaving early sometimes is the best thing afterall before the giant bright monster rising high to seize the day.

Too early for my office to be opened, I dragged myself to the eatery nearby. I go to the same place that I talked about in the latest post. Too bad, my favorite corner has been taken. Perplexed, for about three minutes I just walked around to find a ‘right’ place. No table felt more ‘right’ than my number 1 corner, so, yeah, whatever.

My phone battery will be dead in no time. Better finish my homework right now or my lecturer will rolling all around trying to bring my academic mentality down in front of other colleagues.

Phew. The life of a student (slash worker).

People come and go as the time goes by. People-watching is not really my aesthetic, actually, but since Cal Lightman comes to my life, I found it amusing sometimes. What a nice and generous place to hang out, this eatery, so people from every social classification are free to arrive and flew out.

Then the gang of young moms came in. Them, along with the various of colors and scents they brought, caught my eyes even more than spreadsheet in front of my eyes.

“What a nice life,” was the only thing I thought.

What kind of younger days they have fought?

How hard was their past time?

What have they done for life?

For the past months, I growing up became so judgemental and have a tendency to comparing every each things. This is wrong and lethal, it’s obvious. But I dont’ know how to stop the stream.

‘What’s the point of doing this afterall?’ Everyday I asked myself. I know I am one of them who combating their existential crisis constantly.

Well, well, all I can do is cut down all of the overflowing thoughts. I should just go out before it became more toxic.

So there I go, shut down the Mac and spur my motorbike asap.

Because, anyway, it’s almost the time to work.

#TheMorningTales · My Chaotic Philosophy

#TheMorningTales 1: A New Perception of Feminism

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Prologue

I write it right from the place in the photo above. It is Tuesday and I came too early than usual and my office still not open yet thus have to refuge to another place, I am.

Another thinking, of all the interesting thing I found in my way to office, I think it’s all worth a story. So here is why, I started to write another new tag, about the tales of the Morning.

 

Main Story.

I hate morning, I really am.

The sound of tweeting birds and the sun breaking dawn, the colors of violet spreads beetween faded black and the scent of dew along with fresh-brewed coffee.

Sound so romantic. But in my dictionary, it will not gonna happen.

Make it two time if it’s sunny morning. I hate hate hate sun, so morning and sunny day is a bad combination that ever happen for me.

Sometimes in my low self-esteem or post mental-breakdown illness period, I wish I can just be a housewife and stay at home all day. Laugh at me, pals, but I think fast-living is not suitable for my generally-insecure-and-anxious-towards-everything self.

It bring me the thinking, that people and mainly feminists troubled so much with the idea of “Women should be in home while men are out there and having a career path.”

Is it that bad?

Because IMHO, home is the best. It is sanctuary, a safe and sound place that we can end our days to. By being in home, it doesn’t mean our aspirations are killed and decayed. To be contrary of that, the home also can be a palace or castle to gather and build all the ideas before being spread to the fellow folks around.

The world out there is so hard and cruel, that’s why men all out there. Because they have to fight for their women and girls. So by any mean society putting the female in home, doesn’t it mean that they want to protecting us instead? If you are a housewife already, I understand that making home and raising child is not an easy thing to handle, but afterall there will be no risk of car accident or any similar physical hazards.

For anything physical mainly related to male business.

Home life generally more safe than a street life, so if you are not Malala and living in urban modern society, why bother to fighting over this?

By writing this, I’m not saying that women should be in home and men should be fighting hard out there. The world is balanced it’s way already, it have it’s own classifications and requirements.

So if you are as warrior princess as Xena (or maybe a little less of that) and you think you can fight the outer world between men, go ahead and do it. Show the guys that a hot lass can kick off their head too.

Or if you are more to conservative and insecure one (like me, usually) you can settle down in the home while browsing through job vacancy website to find a freelance and offsite job that pays you well.

Because females always want the best for both worlds and who say you can’t have a great career while you are staying at home all day everyday.

Well, that’s my dream though.

 

Epilogue

A little bonus: kitty’s living seems so nice tho.

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