Bahasa · My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy

It started to Smells Like Ramadan (Ep. 2)

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Saya menulis post tentang ini di Ramadan tahun lalu, dan saya merasa ingin menuliskannya lagi. Sebagian besar sebagai bentuk syukur dan terima kasih saya pada Tuhan karena diijinkan untuk tetap hidup di satu lagi bulan Ramadan, sebagian lagi karena sebab agar supaya saya tetap semangat berpuasa. ehe.

Bulan Ramadan memang selalu mempunyai aroma tersendiri bagi hidung saya. Namun tidak selalu sama setiap tahun, karena manusia kan selalu berubah, yes?

Nah Ramadan di tahun ini, bagi saya wanginya seperti:

1. Es Sirup Timun Suri. Yang mana di bulan-bulan biasa buah ini akan dicuekin saja, tapi di bulan Ramadan mendadak jadi selebriti. Saya bukan yang suka-suka amat dengan timun suri. Saya kurang suka teksturnya yang agak sandy dan meninggalkan banyak remah-remah di larutan es sirop. Tapi semua setuju kan kalau timun suri memiliki wangi yang sangat khas? Bagi orang lain wangi timun suri itu menyenangkan, seperti…ya seperti timun suri #plak. Tapi hidung random saya mentranslasikan wangi timun suri menjadi letupan kegembiraan di saat-saat berkumpul bersama keluarga di meja makan, menunggu waktu berbuka puasa sambil saling bercerita dan tertawa, persis seperti imej keluarga cemara. Selain itu wangi timun suri juga terasa seperti rangkuman kesibukan dan kebahagiaan di bulan Ramadan, mulai dari lapernya, hausnya, panasnya, tarawih, hingga bangun sahur dini hari. Mulai dari jokes receh bulan Ramadan seperti “Berbukalah dengan yang pasti karena yang manis belum tentu pasti” (duh elah), hingga hawa jalanan di pagi hari kerja yang dipenuhi pengendara yang oleh-oleng karena ngantuk segenap jiwa raga.

2. Wangi sajadah berdebu. Kebetulan rumah saya habis dibongkar dan direnovasi baru-baru ini sehingga meninggalkan perabot yang semuanya berbau debu. Tapi bukan, bukan karena itu sih. Lebih tepatnya saya mengasosiakan dengan sajadah karpet di musholla dan masjid. Baik yang di dekat rumah tempat saya biasa tarawih, hingga musholla kampus tempat solat di waktu siang. Kulit saya lumayan alergi debu, efeknya bisa gatal-gatal, merah-merah, ruam-ruam. Tapi kok ya sealergi-alerginya, tetap saja saya lumayan menyukai wangi sajadah musholla yang berdebu karena alasan yang saya sendiri tidak bisa jelaskan.

3. Petak-petak sinar matahari. Dari kedua wangi harfiah di atas, yang satu ini memang sukar dijelaskan. Tapi matahari selalu menyorot tajam di bulan Ramadan, yes? Banyak orang berkata semakin panas maka semakin baik karena itu berarti dosa kita di dunia sedang dibakar dan dikurangi. Jadi saya yang benci matahari pun sebisa mungkin tidak memprotes bola besar sombong itu kalau di bulan Ramadan. Dan ternyata matahari tidak begitu buruk juga di Bulan Ramadan, karena jika sudah condong ke Barat dan sinarnya menembus kisi-kisi jendela dan lubang angin secara horizontal, akan membentuk pola dan petak yang cantik di lantai. Selain itu matahari yang condong ke Barat itu menandakan semakin dekatnya waktu berbuka puasa, dan mana yang lebih menyenangkan dari waktu buka puasa, betul?

4. Nyamuk keparat tidak tahu aturan yang mendadak punya tambahan bala bantuan. Kemungkinan besar karena musim kemarau memang musimnya nyamuk. Saya kurang paham juga sih aroma nyamuk itu seperti apa. Malah mungkin nggak ada aromanya, siapa tahu, kan. Oke ini memang agak surreal.

Dan sebagian besarnya kurang lebih sama dengan wangi Ramadan di tahun yang lalu. Nonetheless, seperti apa pun wanginya, Bulan Ramadan tetap menjadi bulan yang paling saya sukai dalam setahun.

Selamat berpuasa kembali, teman-teman.

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English · My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy

Reset. Restart. Renew.

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When others are move out in order to work, my case is the opposite: I work in order to move out.

A drastic life comes by a single call, then I packed all my belongings and aimlessly wandered. Not a totally aimeless, though, but still…

It still fresh in my mind: those confusion and anxiety. I’ve always convinced myself that I born with this steel armor attached all over my body, like a legend warrior. So that I could even walk in fire if I want.

But that time was different. A drastic changes completely decayed my armor, left me naked and vulnerable.

And I slowly gathered up everything. Gathered those armor that I’ve always been took pride of, and glued them back with a sort of adaptability and strength that I’ve also took pride of.

Power, a complete and almighty one, maybe my main purpose. The feel of being able to take control of your own life is unbeatable, it reflect a pure strength. And that’s maybe the thing I’ve been looking for.

But sadly, if I thinking about it, from another side of the perspective, gaining power is not my mere motive. I moved out myself in order to runaway. Which, ironically, contradict the whole thing.

I’ve told ya’ I’m merely a humbag contains thousands opposite traits and thoughts, I’ve told ya’.

But, hey, aren’t we all a bunch of pilgrims who runaway from a particular things in life? Am I have to beg forgiveness? It’s not a sin, isn’t?

I don’t know.

Runaway is for a coward. Stay and fight is the only way for those valiant hearts. Maybe I’m not as brave and daring as I always think I am.

Are we lose?
Are we lost?
Or are we just understand our limits too well?

Right after the farewell was bid, the door of another hardness is opened.

Welcome to the wonderland, babe. We’re not mad here. We’re just…insanely struggling. To breath, to life, to eat, to love, to do everything.

My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy

Hormonal Turbulence

“Oh gosh, why it have to be rain right in my lowest state of mind tonight?”

“You said you never hating rain?”

“I currently hating everything.”

“Why are you seems so feed up, darling?”

“Know what? I currently asking and begging so many things to God. Too much, that seems like I messing with His life”

“Like what?”

“I just kept asking Him why He seems like playing my life yet everyone claimed that He loves me. God loves all of His creatures and treat them with undefeatable affection, they say.”

“You say you believe in God yet you kept asking His way to love you. Everyone has a different and slightly eccentrical way to show their affection, I guess. And if it’s God, then we have no choice.”

“Exactly. We never have a choice. In fact.” I grunt.

“So what’s wrong?”

“Everything!”

“Give me example.”

“He always take my beloved one out of me. He cheat on all my hard hard works. He makes me have to do everything and anything all alone. He make me feel left and unwanted. He doesn’t treat every human in the world equally the same. I feel so consumed. I know He care, but why He always makes me go through this hard way. For many years, no one knows exactly how hard I struggled yet it seems like not enough for Him! Can you believe it? What else should I do to please Him?”

“Whoa, careful of what you thinking, Darling. I guess we doesn’t have to continue this talk.”

“Another avoidance that I’m so tired of.”

“You know, I think you are just tired. Physically as human and psychologically as an introvert.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

My Blabber Side

Gloomy Sunday is My Favorite Kind of Sunday

I slept in the late of 3.00 AM today and it was raining so hard. Then I wake up in the late of noon and it still raining. I can’t even express how pleased I am, despite that I have class this afternoon.

I think I’m gonna make some pancakes for the (extremely) late breakfast, before going out for the class. I’m craving for pancakes.

Anyway, currently learning the bass part of this:

using my guitar, as always, and I think I should buy a new one because it’s broken already and sounds so wrong now and I’m in dilemma whether I should buy a nylon or steel one.

Suggests, anyone?

My Chaotic Philosophy

3 Things I can’t Understand:

1. Why politicians wants to be politician?

I mean if the only thing you do everyday just debating and criticizing each other, then where’s the fun anyway?

2. Why there’s people on earth still willing to read Marie Claire, Harper Bazaar, Vanity Fair, etc?

While all I can see inside are just luxury things and people who brag about it.

Go on, people, bash me.

3. How could someone be a strict vegan?

I’ve tried, but it ends up with an epic fail. I’m naturally carnivore.

Prologue

I miss drawing.

Music · My Blabber Side · My Music Geek Side

Another Kind of Healing

I have this habit to listen Linkin Park while I feeling pressured. It’s not a straight remedy like those mental helpers–or Diazepams–does (do they really?). But Linkin Park has statement lyrics of many psychotic feelings, and I think, compared to the mental helpers, that kind of same.

I mean, psychiatrists are expensive.

And Diazepam is psychotropic.

Got what I mean?