English · My Entrepreneur Obsession Side

A Place to Dwell


This might be an ode post to celebrate the birth of my workroom. My own working room.

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Ever since pandemic and we forced to keep all of our business at home, including my office work too, everyday I started the day with a question ‘Where should I work today? My room? The balcony? The dining room?”

Now, 10 months later, I got myself all the new things that I didn’t knew I would need to be in my house.

This laptop fan, for example. Small but oh makes so much difference. The 3-types-of-light desk lamp might be the first thing I bought for working-from-home needs. the printer ink that seems ripping my whole monthly expenses but I know I really need those and don’t have any other option. Those, and a 10 month later, I bought a working table in light-colored woodply, then I have the whole vacant room downstair to used by myself.

A freaking working room.

Do it sounds serious enough? Do I sounds grown up enough?

For a person who uphold privacy and independency so high in the sky, it goes beyond my excitement. I feel like finally able to draw my own territory in this house for my own professional needs.

This is my first day working in this room. Still needs to be reworked here and there tho. This wall, for example. This green walls that hurting my eyes and making odd reflections to my skin and all the things inside (who’s in this home had such a weird idea of painting the walls this weird kind of green??) I need to paint it all white. But anyway, this is my own room to work. And sew. And I love it here already.

No, no photos at all because this green wall actually super embarassing. Someday, I promise.


Wait. why suddenly I write this domestic?

English · My Blog Talks · My Fashion Madness Side

I Don’t Like The Current Air in My Blog. Let’s We Talking About Something Else.


WordPress new block writing system is suck. Like, really.

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That, and also the way I writing here so depressingly, it makes such a terrible combination of why I’m not talking here the way as I used to in my teenagehood. What is it, 6-7 year ago?? My blog is 8 years old last May and, well, from my sanctuary and playground it’s unexpectedly turn into something like a wall-of-fame, or a depressing-day diaries, or a check-point to formally announced that I am still breathing.

Nah, I don’t like it.

Instagram changes everything, I think. The way we talk, the way we think, the way we used to feel about something. It impressively making people more visually-aware, raise the citizen’s aesthetic rate (if that’s even the word), become a new platform to making money. But guess what, realizing the way I using my blog so differently it becomes black-and-white comparing before the instagram wave hit us, I think sometimes we have to step-back and re-evaluate.


On the totally different side, I change the background of my blog. Now, bye pink-white polkadots that I used to stick for maybe not less than 4-5 years. Now please enjoy the slight view of my brother’s curtain that I aesthetically took the photo of.

And anything else, do you realized that I use my old three-phase writing style here? Trying to relive everything from my blog’s past so I can feel like home again here

And, oh, also! I’m currently learn to sew and recently so into her youtube channel too! Her name is sharon and she is amazing self-taught dressmaker/sewer!


English · My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy

How to cope with sadness: turn the podcast on and let Chris Do tells me anything about life as much as he wants to

As much as we all wanna be a happy-go-lucky, admit it, some of us are not. And this i-dont-know-what-happen-to-me symptons are keep driving us a real wild ride. Maybe this is what it feels like to dive deep into Titanic shipwreck. Blue. Blue and watery everywhere. But it’s also confusing that we wanting everything and nothing at the same time. Like Michelle Branch’s “Goodbye to You” song. The way we shuts people to go away yet at the same time holding their hand please don’t go? It’s a confusing, confusing part of life, agree?

Yet the similar thing occur to the social life. I am in the perplexing phase of wanting to have my own space yet also craving human voice in my head. How to solve this polarized mistery, is to have a talking voice that is not comes from actual social interaction.

Better if that’s Chris Do’s.

Even better if he’s lectured me about life.

And oh what a practical era we lived on right now. You can listen to someone’s in the commute without taking the actual Television or Radio like what they did in 1950’s. Although I adore Audrey Hepburn fashion era, admit it, pals, modern technology always favor us handily.

So there it goes, 56 minutes full of Chris Do talking sharply, keenly, and briliantly, scolding me about why I am trapped in my own mental darkness helix instead of working efficiently and keep hustling.

Chris, if you read this, thank you. For all of these years you have been my hero, and still be my hero for many years to come. Please don’t stop scolding me wherever i waste my time in my own useless mind game.

English · My Chaotic Philosophy

20 Things I’ve Accomplished in 2020

  1. Hosting a talkshow (like, a real talkshow on the stage) TWICE! I mean, i always enjoy public speaking, but i never know i am apparently that cool???!
  2. Applied to work vacancies in Australia
  3. And got interviewed by one of them. I mean, my very first abroad job interview abroad, EVER!!
  4. Finally signing up to the fashion course. And it makes me realize, fashion is the field where I belong. I finally found where I belong.
  5. Building an accessories brand: Queen of Hearts. Like, finally, a business that feels ‘right’ for me
  6. Underwent a major surgery and manage to stay alive.
  7. Reaching out and being in touch with my teenagehood crush. Tee-hee.
  8. Bought vacumm cleaner. Finally came the day where I should have not sweep the floor by conventional broom. This is a big achievement, right? Anyone?
  9. Taking the lead as producer for my handled brand’s ambassador commercial video
  10. Eat holycow steak!
  11. Finally have my own WACOM TABLET!!!
  12. Signing myself up to a monthly body treatment. Like, wow, i feel so grown up right now!
  13. Bought the most expensive book I’ve ever had : Fashion Business Manual by Fashionary, which i’ve been wanting since years.
  14. Managed to trying on many fitness classes at the beginning of the year (HIIT, Bareless, poundfit, zumba, you name it!), before pandemic force us to be in home as much as we can.
  15. Manage to survive and stay alive. Because, seriously, is that what’s this year is all about?

Apparently this 20-things not reaching 20 at all HAHA! But it’s okay, this year is hard, I know I’ve done enough work already. Good job, Me!

English · My Chaotic Philosophy · My Fashion Madness Side

Destination: Arrived.

Maybe 6 months ago, i wanting too much for my life. I want to get master degree in the field a, b, c; i want to work and move in to Australia (i even done the job interview); i want to jump to LPDP bandwagon, aiming australia and norway universities; i want to have business, become ceo, fashion designer, business coach; etc. Too loud, too much!

But 2020 is like the turnover year. Perhaps i matured enough to tone down all of that ambitions/ego. Yea having master degree is cool, study abroad is even cooler, move in to another country even too cool to be true. But now all i want for my life is building my own fashion business. That’s it.

English · Music · My Chaotic Philosophy

it’s like coming back home

everytime i listens to Nico Touches The Walls old albums. Like revisiting memories, tracing back all the sweat and tears to climb out of the high, high walls. it’s like im grasping back my old, little, frightened self.

im stronger now, finer now. more established version of myself. so looking back to my old self is like saying “thank you for all of your hardwork. we did it now. we’re flying high. and all of this because of you were never stop fighting.”

English · My Chaotic Philosophy

Things that makes me happy

or to escapes from reality (either way is basically the same):


1. Fangirling.

SPYAIR, COLDRAIN, [ALEXANDROS], DAY6, any great bands with eyecandy face boys.

2. Read a book.

Preferably fantasy, more preferably fiction. Non-fiction is fine as long as it including stars, galaxy, solar system, world history, and anything but self-help book, please.

3. Painting

I have 3 mini 15 x 15 canvases that are left unused. I should make use of it, this is the right time, yea?

4. Dress-up and make-up.

Like, really, I still curious of how playing make up and dressing up can makes me happy. Clothes and make up is like, a rocket to get out of this real world.

5. Taking photos and videos.

Preferably of myself.  Using my new favorite dresses, with a killer make up. Better with some concept. Alice in Wonderland, can you hear me??

6. Talking with my otherworldly-minded best friend.

Have you ever heard of it? Otherworldly-minded best friend means a best friend who has an otherworldly mind like you. Who instead of grasping you to stay in this painful, painful real life, they will soar with you by the time you need to go out. Instead of talking about real life, they talking to you using completely new language about how to use Discord because Whatsapp is boring, how to put wings to your roller skates, and having conversation about setting up a galaxy projector in your room to feel like you sleeping in the middle of the space. It’s like March Hare to Mad Hatter and vice versa. Both are insane but both are living the insane life happily. Yea, that kind of friend. So far in my 26-years old living, I just barely found one otherworldly-minded best friend among other real-life minded best friends. I suggest you should have at least one. Really. Recommended.


In the spirit of searching from another one to be added to the list, at least I made this crucial 6-points list. I’m in the happy-go-lucky challenge, in case there’s somebody wondering why.

Bahasa · My Writer Side


Coba lihat jam yang menjerit-jerit minta dibelikan madu. Butuh asupan tambahan untuk menambah daya tahannya menghadapi matahari yang panas, panas sekali. Ah, sungguh seandainya kau tahu berapa banyak hitam gelap berdansa setiap malamnya, berputar-putar diiringi lagu Kat DeLuna. Penasaran kan? Padahal keanehan yang sama selalu kau lihat setiap harinya.

Contohnya, mengapa kita percaya Dalton menciptakan proton, elektron, dan netron padahal kita tidak ada di jaman yang sama untuk membuktikannya. Padahal kita tidak punya mata mikroskopik untuk melihatnya. Bukan, bukan mikroskopis! Lebih kecil lagi! Lebih kecil lagi kata Dalton! Padahal siapa tahu justru dia sedang mabuk dan bertukar ingatan dengan Blaise Pascal?

Contoh lainnya, apa benar kita hidup di galaksi Bimasakti? Bagaimana kalau ternyata bulan adalah matahari versi lebih jinak? Bagaimana kalau ternyata planet tetangga kita adalah Atlantis yang memisahkan diri? Tenggelam hingga tembus ke bagian bumi lainnya lalu terus, terus, membumbung tinggi ke angkasa?

Tahukah kau kalau di saat kita rasanya mau gila, kewaspadaan akan bertambah tapi kesehatan akan berkurang. Apa jadinya kalau waspada tapi hampir mati? Apakah waspada bikin kita tetap hidup? Mau diapakan ya sisa usia? Ah, aku tahu, mari kita menari, berputar-putar sampai pagi.

Bahasa · My Chaotic Philosophy


morning 2

Oh, how much I long for a slow morning walk. Without numbers, ticking clock, graphical bars.

How much I want to breathe thin, light air. Fresh dew, 10 AM sun, a tea, and pancakes in McDonald’s outdoor space. So simple yet unpretentious.

How I miss spending my whole quiet morning in the couch, read and read and read. Travelling the worlds and realms and periods of humankind.

How I wish to go back to my father’s hometown. Drifting apart the hustles, where everything quietly festive. Hospitable kindness.

How I yearn for a pine tree, green leaves, the smell of grass. Running freely, laugh happily, bare feet, hands in the air.

How the more we achieve, the more we understand that’s not the point of living.

There’s no use of piling up money, we need a mindful mind.

We don’t need ambitions, we need purpose.

We don’t need to rush, we need to be alive.

English · My Chaotic Philosophy

An anwer to a “Will you…” question

There are times when I have no idea whatsoever to answer this kind of question. Maybe part of me still scared by the idea of intimate relationship, maybe I still love being a free-willy, maybe I’m not mature enough, and another “maybe’s” that will never going to an end.

So I answered “Give me a week, to think.” And yet I still have no clue of which path should I take. Hence out of the dilemma, I asked to God, and universe “If I should say yes and do it, God, please show me a wolf. In picture, in video, in film, in any form. But if I should say no and reject it, please show me a squirrel.”

Why wolf? Why squirrel? I have no idea. I just blurted out what crossed on my mind that time.

I made that requisition in Tuesday and day by day no clue have given to me. No wolf nor squirrel appeared.

Until today, Saturday noon, I surfing on Instagram stories and watched the instagram stories of one of my favorite fashion influencer, an Indonesian that lives in Birmingham, she always shares a beautiful Birmingham scenery in her account. This time she shoot a video about squirrel eating a nut in the tree in her way to the groceries.

“That’s a cute squirrel!” I said.



Squirrel is a no.

So that’s that. I should says no, huh? It’s kind of sad to think about this. Knowing that my heart parts into fifty : fifty, still a part of me who wants to say yes. But we will never know what the future may held. What it will bring us, or what will it saves us from. Maybe something good, but maybe something that is really really disastrous. So if I have no clue, I leave the universe to give me the clue, and now it has giving me a clue.

Maybe once again, a “No” is the best way.