English · My Artist Side · My Blabber Side

Movie: The Double


Rating: 6.5/10 (IMDb)
Genre: Thriller, Comedy, Romance
Cast: Jesse Eisenberg (Simon James), Mia Wasikowska (Hannah)
Director: Richard Ayoade
Music: Andrew Hewitt
Releases: 2011


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This is not a review, merely thoughts instead. I just watched it this evening, in my lowest state of mind and my sick body, and it definitely a no-to-watch movie. I mean, it’s beautiful, in a most satirical and surreal way, plus Mia Wasikowska definitely my favorite actress, and the soundtrack enormously equipped the play, but, please, this is so beautifully depressing.

Please just don’t watch it when your heart not in it’s best state and circumstances, because tho it’s magnificent, it’s a somber kind of magnificence.

I might just end this day by crying in my bed weeping and mourning about life itself. Completely worsened by the film’s emotional manipulation.

Thanks, Mr. Ayoade. You know how to do it.

English · My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy

#Soliloquy about Outer World and Everything in Between

“Can’t you believe it? They’re just cramped me out.”

“I failed to see what’s you point. She said that you worth it and he said this is your time. “


“You know what, you keep telling me about your dreams, each of them, until I got everything in my subconscious mind, then the earth give you exactly what you’ve been dreaming for and now you tried to evade them?”

“It just…. I don’t know whether it is right or it was merely me blinded by diamonds and pearls. Now I’m thinking about it and apparently it quite frightening.”

“Going out of your comfort zone always frightening, you asked for them first. Now I can’t understand.”

“I think I don’t want to go out.”

“Go out from where? You think you’re in it already? In your comfort zone? I can tell you how much you’ve been whinning to win my arguments but no, I’ll just reminds you that we’re on a same boat that sailing in the middle of stormy ocean, darling. No one of us is safe. What do you asking for?”

“I don’t know I’m so thrilled. Or perhaps it just because the hangover of Black Swan which I had been watched this evening. I understand the feeling when something that you’ve been longing forever makes you insane.”

“It draws you well?”

“It draws me well. Now I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of everything that I wanted. From the distance we can state an iceberg is enchanting until we come closer and collided and it becomes deadly.”

“You are afraid”

“I just not ready, I think.”

“No, you are afraid.”

“I’m so tired, can’t we just not talking about this?”

“Good, keep gliding out and you’ll never win”

“I don’t care. Good night, Darling. Here, listen the song I’ll be sleeping with tonight:”

English · My Writer Side

Book Review: Memories by Lang Leav


Author: Lang Leav
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2015
Pages: 243 Pages
Rating: ★ of ★★★★★


I heard Lang Leav a lot before, like, A LOT. Especially on Instagram where all people tend to be so poetic with a cutoff of emotional poem as the caption for some unrelated images (no, I’m not pinpointing on some of Indonesia’s fashion bloggers and instacelebs, believe me, I’m not).

I, as a person who never been into poetry, was hardly impressed and have zero intention to read the real book by Leav. But, well, what to say if I found my office friend have it on her desk and the cover is so beautiful and she sit next to me so I could see the beauty of the book everytime I turn my head? So I borrowed it right away from her.


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Memories basically a book of poetry of thoughts and feelings, of a lost love and deep longing emotions in a girl’s mind. It’s all written down ranging from a few stanzas to flash fiction to some paragraphs of prose .

This is the most beautiful book I’ve ever seen, literally. I talked about the hardcover made of red dove and blue velvet material, with a classical contemporary potrait style and feminine fonts that used in the cover. The layout inside, too, has similar beautiful setup, and not to forget the picture in early book draws you–as a reader.


But let alone the beautiful cover and all because reading this has taught me a lot to never judge the book by it’s cover. You see, although there’s a lot of pieces in every each pages, written in different tittles and forms, they are all tedious and lack of depth. Repeating the same thoughts over and over again with same flawful punctuations and pauses.

Leav use  distinct and non-metaphorical words, without intention to make the readers think a lot, that makes it an easy-read for the teens. But I always fall in love with literature pieces that uses peculiar phrases to draws the specific literal meaning, which, in my opinion, is an essential element of a poetry, which don’t get it here

I’m not an avid reader of poetry nor I know a lot about them so I can’t really depict a precise review of it. But anyway, I’m not feeling impressed.


Nevertheless, Memories by Lang Leav is my first poem book. And I give one star to my first poem books.

English · Music · My Artist Side · My Chaotic Philosophy · My Music Geek Side

Please Meet Persephone

Dreams do come true, they are really do.

It’s been a long time, even long before I made this blog, that I really really really want to have a flute and be able to playing them. Now seven years later, I really made it!

Bought a secondhand–because the new one priced as high as another galaxy–with a really good bargain. I can’t believe my luck. Apparently, sometimes the key of luck is merely one: patience.


I used all my savings and my banks might be crying right now, and still have tuitions to be payed for months ahead, that’s a big number to be sacrificed tho, but I can’t stop feeling thrilled, even in the way back home, my hands were trembling. I am holding YFL-221 that is MINE, for God’s shake! Please pinch me! Am I in the dream right now?

And yes, I named her Persephone, a Greek Goddess of springtime, because she is as graceful as it is.


Dreams do come true, now I believe, they are really do, only if you willing to sacrifice a lot for them.

English · My Chaotic Philosophy

How To Stay Productive When You’re Depressed


Shared this from The Wonder Forest‘s web because I feel so relatable and have an intent to applied this right away and I thought, why not you too?

Speaking as someone who’s suffered from random (sometimes long) bouts of depression for the last 10-ish years, I know how tough it can be. Depression can make the simplest of things feel harder, right? Some days even getting out of bed takes a huge amount of effort. Finding motivation to do almost anything can seem……

via 6 Ways to Stay Productive When You’re Depressed — Wonder Forest

English · My Chaotic Philosophy

I Don’t Need Butterflies Nor Roses

By the time I started fantasize about cotton candy cloud and rainbow bridge, I should zapped myself out of it, immediately. It’s not funny anymore and I’m not a little child anymore. And don’t tell me to grinning like an idiot, because I’m not a little girl anymore.

Warns and precautious spread all over the walls, I have already knew, I just didn’t took them seriously. Oh yeah, we can try endlessly but in the end we are wizards and witches in disguise. We were disgusted and mad and ready to pinpointed the wand on anybody else’s face, but, uh-oh, we ALL have a wand.

Come on, so tired of this game, don’t you too? Why cannot we ended this and pretending you never be a frog and I never be a lizard. We are not a little children playing with play-doh. We are mature witch and wizard with a full-power magical skills playing with each other’s awful emotions.

As it sounds as safe as it never be.

English · My Chaotic Philosophy


Took many mental health and psychological test all over internet and these are what I majorly accused for:

  1. Major Depressive Disorder
  2. Severe Anxiety Disorder



I know I can’t depend on some random tests but now I starts thinking seriously about going to psychiatrist so I could legally get those anti-depressant shits anyway.