English · My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy · My Writer Side

Strive, Conquer, and Else

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Just everytime. I gets too emotional. Flood of Emotions.

A mental breakdown. Huge disappointment. Tired. Fear. Excite. Anger. Laugh. Perplexed.

Coward. Swirling. Comes gliding across the sky. Swim in the terrace. Knocking in. Bash the door.

Somehow a revelation. Awakening. Bright. Like a sun. Dancing. Shining. Shimmering.

The hope. The dreams. A good visualization in the head and mind. Flowing through the veins. Bringing all the life. Soul gets pumped. Energized.

I can’t really describe, nor giving example and illustration. It just…. something. Not losing nor gaining. Or maybe both losing and gaining.

I’m not talk in rhymes, not even trying. I just can’t figured out the order of the words. It’s messy right here. Everything is mixed. The colors blend into one. I’m blackout. Either full or blank. Or in between. Or none of those.

I listen to some songs. Not to facilitating the emotional conditions. Just needed some melodical tones. To make the colors less dark, to saturating. Merely as backsound. Eventho an unrelated backsound. The score director must be a worst one. I am the worst one.

Thus we catch the breath. Living in vacumm space. We scream, we light up. It’s undesirable, this kind of roaller coaster. All I can feel is just a banging head. Beating motion.

I’m in the middle of vertigo. Your eyes moves diagonally. Your voice draw a circular shape in the air. Try to catch it up, the hands grasp in between of tremors. I can’t, I said to you.

And I cry.

And I cry.

And I cry.

And the sea formed, hence we sail upon it.

Row, row, row.

Row, row, row.

 

 

 

 

Image credits to Jenny at Flickr.com

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English · My Movie Freak Side

#MovieMonday – Anna Karenina

anna-karenina

Rating: 6.6/10.0 (IMDb)
Genre: Romance, drama
Cast: Keira Knightley (Anna Karenina), Jude Law (Alexi Karenin), Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Alexei Vronsky)
Director: Joe Wright
Music: Dario Marianelli
Wardrobe: Jacqueline Durran
Released
: 2012

 

Prologue

Truth to be told, I’m not really excited writing this review.

Main Story

Who doesn’t know Anna Karenina? A fenomenal, both well-known and notorious novel by Leo Tolstoy. To be brief, Anna Karenina tells the story about Anna, a beautiful woman in high society of Russia who had almost everything: wealth, husband whose important position in goverment, handsome son, social status, beautiful dresses (the last one is so important) but later would give up everything in order of her passionate love towards Alexei Vronsky that lead them into scandalous relationship which later would break their life.

I’ve never been read the novel by Tolstoy so I don’t have any idea of what Anna Karenina would be like. This seems led me to awed by the techniques used in the beginning of the film that reminds me of Tales of Hoffman somehow. It setted on an opera stage, like, literally. Wright use a large opera stage as his main stage, hence we can see the backdrop rolled as the setting changes, the set officers slash extras and stunts swinging around everywhere in the hassle to put the proper equipments, even the backstage mechanicals used as a good metaphorical setting.

Sadly this whole coolness faded away just like that in a few minutes as if the sets officers and director Wright himself grown tired already and decide to stop. In a few minutes, we’ll just merely watching a common romance movie. No special effects of (back)stages process anymore.

About the casts itself, I’m not really sure. I never read to book or the book review thus I can’t easily judge whether they play it right or not. Nonetheless, the characters itself far less than stunning or remarkable. In the contrary of that, they seems artificial and unsymphateticable. All they leave me with as the story goes to an end is just a flat, lack of depth feeling, an expressionless face staring at credit screen backsounded by an ending score.

Speaking about the music score, is it just me who feel they are tedious and unstriking?

 

Epilogue

If Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina truly that great, I can’t see it here in screen. Maybe it’s too hard to catch up one of world’s most legendary and complicated literature piece.

Note to self, I have to read the actual book.

Bahasa · My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy

Personifikasi Waktu

Jika “Waktu” adalah makhluk hidup, tidakkah kau bertanya-tanya seperti apa rupanya? Apakah gendernya wanita atau pria? Tua atau muda? Menyenangkan atau tidak?

Hum, mengingat sikapnya yang sangat keras kepala dan tidak mau mengalah, kutebak dia wanita. Namun berhubung para wanita seringkali mengklaim kaum pria adalah makhluk yang tidak sensitif dan anti-kemapanan, yang mana sangat menggambarkan Waktu secara keseluruhan, kupikir dalam waktu bersamaan Waktu juga adalah seorang pria.

Hei

Tunggu sebentar.

Jika aku memilih bahwa Waktu adalah wanita maupun pria, tidakkah kau berpikir itu membuatnya terdengar sebagai salah satu dari kaum transgender yang masih ramai dijadikan perdebatan antara para liberalis dan fundamentalis? Aku bukannya mau mengambil salah satu sisi antara pro dan kontra itu, aku hanya tidak mau Waktu ikut menjadi bahan perdebatan mereka.

Namun jika Waktu adalah wanita, pasti keturunan Hawa itu akan girang dan melonjak-lonjak setengah mati. Berpikir bahwa dunia benar-benar berada di telapak kaki mereka dan dengan mudah memperbudak kaum lelaki sambil berkata angkuh “Kau mencoba mempermainkanku, hah? Kusuruh Waktu mengutukmu langsung jadi tua bangka, baru tahu rasa kau!” Sementara jika kuputuskan Waktu adalah pria, ah, betapa akan kacaunya dunia ini. Makhluk maskulin berego tinggi itu bisa menyalahgunakannya untuk apa saja. Contohnya, yah, kau taulah apa.

Ah, atau begini saja, kuputuskan bahwa Waktu adalah gender yang baru, tidak berkiblat baik ke wanita atau pun pria. Kita namakan saja gender Waktu tersebut sebagai Gender Baru, dengan huruf kapital untuk “G” dan “B”-nya. Apabila kau sudah menemukan sebutan yang tepat untuk Gender Baru itu, silakan katakan saja ya, biar kita bisa pertimbangkan bersama nanti.

Menurut pikiranku, Waktu adalah makhluk hidup yang dapat bergerak sama normalnya seperti kau dan aku. Dia terdiri dari kepala, badan, tangan, dan kaki. Hum, sebetulnya aku mau saja mengurut ulang komponen-komponen itu menjadi susunan acak, supaya karakter Waktu kita lebih seru jadinya. Namun menurut hemat Tuhan sesuai dengan ilmu ergonomi yang diciptakan-Nya sendiri, setiap komponen tersebut telah terspesialisasi sesuai dengan fungsinya masing-masing dan harus diletakkan di posisi yang tepat untuk menghindarkan gangguan yang mungkin muncul di masa depan. Jadi, yah, lebih baik dituruti sajalah. Tahu sendiri jika Ia sudah marah, lumayan menyeramkan juga kan.

Kubayangkan, Waktu adalah makhluk yang akan semakin tua dan sakit-sakitan apabila makhluk lainnya melanggar aturan jadwal yang telah ditetapkan. Pandangan matanya akan menjadi minus nol koma lima tiap ada anak manusia yang telat bangun pagi, sehelai rambutnya akan berubah menjadi putih tiap ada bangau yang telat bermigrasi musim dingin, satu giginya akan tanggal jika ada presiden yang telat menghadiri upacara kemerdekaan negaranya sendiri.

Oleh karena itu, Waktu sangat membenci makhluk lain–makhluk apa saja selain dirinya–yang suka terlambat dan membuang-buang waktu karena membuatnya semakin hari menjadi renta, sementara ia pun juga menjadi makhluk yang paling dibenci seantero jagat raya ini karena hobinya marah-marah dan menunjuk hidung siapa saja yang ia pikir tidak efisien hidupnya.

Aku membayangkan Waktu memiliki dua mulut dan satu telinga. Orang berkata bahwa kita dianugerahi satu mulut dan dua telinga karena kita diharapkan untuk lebih banyak mendengar dibanding berbicara, namun hal itu tak berlaku untuk Waktu karena ia tak butuh banyak mendengar. Satu mulut Waktu berfungsi layaknya mikrofon khusus jarum jam. Dia selalu berbunyi “Tik, tik, tik, tik….” di setiap detik yang terlewati serta berteriak-teriak “PUKUL DUA TEPAT!!!” ketika kombinasi jarumnya menunjuk angka dua dan dua belas. Satu mulutnya lagi berguna untuk berbicara–atau lebih tepatnya, mengomel–secara normal. Bagi Waktu, bicara itu lebih penting daripada mendengarkan, karena Waktu selalu benar dan aturan-aturannya bersifat absolut, tidak peduli apa kata orang.

Waktu memiliki hidung yang sangat runcing, lebih runcing daripada nenek sihir mana pun yang bisa kau temukan di cerita dongeng (atau mungkin juga dunia nyata, siapa tahu penyihir itu betulan hidup), mungkin ukurannya sekitar dua inci lebih runcing dari hidung teruncing yang kau tahu. Di mana hidung itu berfungsi untuk menambahkan penegasan dramatis ketika ia mengangkat dagunya tinggi-tinggi dan menatapmu dengan pandangan menyalahkan karena kau bangun pagi 10 detik lebih lama dari yang seharusnya.

Tapi seberapa pun orang-orang menyakiti Waktu baik sadar atau tidak, Waktu tidak akan bisa mati. Jika tubuhnya sudah porak-poranda dan tak memungkinkannya hidup lebih lama, Waktu baru yang masih muda akan menjelma menggantikan Waktu lama yang telah jompo, dengan membawa sifat dan pengetahuan sama persis seperti sosok Waktu yang lama, terus begitu hingga entah sampai kapan.

Waktu sesungguhnya telah berusia tua sekali, bahkan dicurigai Waktu telah ada saat bumi ini masih dalam tahap pembangunan. Oleh karena itulah dapat dikatakan Waktu adalah saksi hidup dari semua peristiwa penting di dunia. Banyak peneliti, arkeolog, ilmuwan, atau orang-orang yang hanya ingin tahu, datang berbondong-bondong ke hadapan Waktu, bertanya ini-itu sampai mulut mereka berbusa-busa. Sayangnya kebanyakan mereka semua akan pulang dengan tangan hampa karena Waktu tidak dapat memberikan jawaban yang mereka harapkan.

Orang-orang seringkali berkata “Biar Waktu yang akan menjawab,” namun kenyataannya, Waktu tidak bisa menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang berhubungan atau akan berakibat pada masa depan. Contohnya, jika kau bertanya apakah Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins, dan Edwin Aldrin benar-benar mendarat di bulan tahun 1969, maka Waktu tidak akan menjawabnya sekalipun ia tahu. Begitu juga dengan kasus kematian Napoleon Bonaparte yang masih diperdebatkan apakah disebabkan racun arsenik atau kanker gastritis, karena dengan diketahuinya kenyataan sebenarnya maka akan ada perdebatan atau pertarungan di masa depan. Hal itulah, sesuatu yang dapat berdampak pada masa depan, yang berada di luar kuasa Waktu. Karena meskipun Waktu memegang kendali atas waktu yang sedang berjalan, ia tidak memiliki kendali atas masa depan.

Namun apabila kau bertanya tentang seperti apakah hari di mana kau dilahirkan, atau berapakah jumlah tentara salib yang mati akibat perang salib maka dia akan menjawabnya (tentu apabila pertanyaanmu dan jawaban darinya untuk pertanyaanmu itu tidak mengganggunya untuk berteriak mengumumkan jam dan mengomeli kereta yang telat seperlima detik dari jadwal) dengan singkat, padat, dan jelas.

Namun di luar itu semua, seperti yang sudah kukatakan, Waktu memegang kendali atas waktu yang tengah berjalan. Ketika kau merasa bahwa waktu berlalu begitu cepat atau terlalu lambat, kau tidak sadar bahwa saat itu Waktu memang sedang memainkan kecepatan putaran jamnya. Tujuannya bermacam-macam, dan mungkin beberapa di antaranya tidak dapat kau pahami. Seringkali ia mempercepat waktu untuk mendidikmu bagaimana mengefisiensikan hidup, atau juga memperlambat waktu untuk memberimu kesempatan belajar lebih banyak (atau juga memperlambat jam pulang kerjamu saat kau sedang bosan-bosannya, karena dia kesal segaris kerutan muncul di wajahnya saat kau terlambat mengantarkan anak perempuanmu ke sekolah).

Sesungguhnya, di luar perangainya yang menyebalkan dan tidak kenal toleransi itu, Waktu adalah makhluk yang sangat baik hati. Ini hanya tentang bagaimana caramu memperlakukannya dan memperlakukan dirimu sendiri. Karena ketika kau melukai Waktu, secara tak langsung kau sedang melukai dirimu dan masa depanmu sendiri.

Jika “Waktu” adalah makhluk hidup, humm, sepertinya hidup ini akan cukup menyusahkan juga jadinya.

English · My Blabber Side · My Movie Freak Side

#MovieMonday – Stoker (2013)

stoker

Rating: 6.8 (IMDb)
Genre: Thriller, drama
Cast: Mia Wasikowska (India Stoker), Matthew Goode (Charlie Stoker), Nicole Kindman (Evie Stoker)
Director: Park Chan-Wook
Music: Clint Mansell
Wardrobe: Kurt and Bart
Released
: 2013

Prologue

Finally a first edition of #MovieMonday tag that I planned to be one of regular review tag project every Monday!

Truth to be told, when I wrote my last #CurrentObsession post (the one that involved several titles of movie) I had been watched this film for, like, three times, and still can’t get enough with this.

Main Story

Stoker basically is a bewitching grotesque movie that is nowhere near your common thriller movies. Stoker doesn’t involved any ghosts or spiritual appearances or vampire and any other kinds of blood-sucker creatures, as first I though it named after Bram Stoker and the story would swirling around another version of Count Dracul. Apparently I was wrong.

A little synopsis before the review, the story goes after India Stoker, an innocent young woman whose beloved father died in an unknown accident, right in her 18th birthday, leave her live only with her estranged-yet-miserable mother, in a such a fine house in a forest-y desolated landscape. A long-unknown man acclaimed as her uncle come in her father’s funeral day and since then, this movie plays a triangle between Evie the mum, Charlie the uncle, and India the child/niece.

If I could describe the three things that draws this movie well, I’ll pick up 60’s velvet vintage dress, indigo baroque wallpapers, and vintage rolleiflex TLR camera, because those are what this movie tastes like.

It frames victorian-styled family in the middle of modern life of 18 century with all of their oddness and melanchony. The setting is gorgeous and the wardrobes ellegantly potrays a fine family that seems not willing to dip the same stream with normality around them.

Stoker movie goes not in a packs of antagonists versus protagonists type. Instead it sets unbalanced grey characters that swinging easily in unpredictable ways. The director successfully linger every one of each character’s emotions as well as spectrum of tensions captured in a deep and psychotic behaviours.

The casts embrace the film really well, I think. Mia Wasikowska fairly potray a vulnerable yet anomalish 18-years old girl that have an abnormal ability of senses, Nicole Kindman playing a bitchy-lavish-lonely woman that crawling her own existence upon her daughter disapproval, and Matthew Goode grab the attention as a misteriously charming uncle with a maniac and possesively psychotic persona underneath.

Not to mention the music score is captivating in every frame and automatically being the most supportive element of tension building itself.

I won’t say this is perfect or masterpiece, beside that I’m not really capable to write a valid review, also because the film opened by India stating her ability of sensing every each smallest details of what people are not capable to sense. But let alone that statement in the face only because it’s not explored as well as she supposed to be.

And the fact that character by character could be vanished easily to give the main hero and heroines spaces to form a big triangle, as if the audiences will not overthinking this as a plot hole, is kind of resentful.

But above all, psychological thriller is my thing and I thought this is one of a few that caught my attention as a movie.

Epilogue

‘ve said that music score for this is depressingly beautiful, so for one whole week, this song is played in my ears over and over again countless time, even when I write this review. Don’t know if it’s your thing, but I though you have to listen this too, it’s hauntingly addictive

English · My Blabber Side · My Chaotic Philosophy

Just Do It (like what NIKE says)

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“I swear if Father was a Bandung Technology Institute alumnus, he might not living here in Indonesia anymore,” Mother said that evening while munching her dinner, “he would be in Germany by now, working for a big automotive company; or in Japan, be a part of world’s breakthough robotic projects; and would personally acquainted with Archandra Thahar as a felow alumnus, or might even be a friend of him as well!”

What she said is out of the current topic, actually, but then I saw my Father’s expression and immediately knew that his heart noted it.

My Father is a godfather for everything and anything mechanical, automotive, machinery, and engines, hence we are–Mother, me, my siblings, our big families and relatives–are all the same absolute mind with this.

He once said to me (when once I helped him repair TV just because I want to photograph the cute green PCB board) that ‘Machines, whatever they are and however they seems, are basically the same. They have a similar system and working methods. Once we understand how the fundamental system goes, we practically understand every each of them.”

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This is the photo I took by the way. Uploaded in a post about three years ago.

It’s funny that I learnt electronics for three years in high school plus took electrochemical subject in my college, AND it results nothing, hence his words seemed invalid for me at the moment. I just practically think he mastered it not because the fundamental systems or blablabla, he mastered it because he born with that ability.

“Yea, agree! I mean, Father is not an alumni of any pretigious institutes but nothing he can’t do regarding any machines and electricities this far.” I approved Mother’s initial convo.

“Well, unfortunately I didn’t have such a privilege,” Father replied, giggled a little. “It would be great though, if once I had.” He finally agreed himself.

“If you once had it, nothing can beat you though!” Mother assured him. “Many of the so-called experts have a better life because they graduated from prestigious schools but you can even have similar skills like them. Think if you graduated from a similar institutes, compared to you, they would be NOTHING.”

Agree. I once watched a TV commercial that debating ‘talent vs hardwork’. It said that nothing called talent in this life. Everyone can do what they want and be an expert of anything if they worked so hard for it. Me, in the other side, absolutely disagree. I think talent is real. It’s a personallized gift that privileged by God to His creatures. If  you don’t have the talent, you can work hard on something you want, but you’ll never exceed them who has talent plus work as hard as you, I believe.

“You know what,” Father said to me as a reply for Mother’s convincing statement, “even by now, I still regreting why I never took a higher school. I was born in a insufficient family and what’s on my young mind at that time was merely about how to paying my own bills and not being a burden for my parents.”

I knew this story, my parents both bornt at the time when the economical circumstances in this country was rather unstable, mainly because the unjustice regime that was ruled back those time. Compared to them, I was extremely lucky to born in the family where I don’t have to work or struggling with money to be able to have school days everyday.

“When I have this job, my current safe-and-assured civil job, I thought there’s no need to pursue a higher degree, but it proved me wrong. Higher degree wil always be a necessary.” Father continued. “Then my current office had once offered to send me to continuing my study in order of employer development program but some political issues happen in management ends, affected that I don’t get what promised to me. That’s the time I feel a real regret.

There it goes, my dear,” he looked at me, intensely, “school is important. It always is.”

I’m not replied, because that statement is no need to be replied as it is an absolute principle of me already. But I got another think:

Apparently when you’re getting older, you’ll be more regreting for something you didn’t do than the one you did.

Thanks Mother who brought up this topic and Father who continued it, now I got a solution for some of my current problems.